try saying that two times fast

I'm not even certain I'm gonna make it to university everything feels so unstable right now. I probably won't kill myself because it's easier to rot and fail like this. Amazing. What an amazing fucking place I can't do shit and I don't know why I wish I could I'm so sorry but what am I meant to do????? I don't understand any of this I can barely keep my head up in class and even when I do the first lesson I understand the math but the second of the topic feels like such a big leap and I just get lost and give up until the next topic comes up the next week and I keep fucking doing it I wish I could just understand like everybody else I hate my mother

What do these posts even mean

hi part 2

Nobody's gonna ever fucking see this because nobody fucking uses Blogspot anymore.

I'm so sorry dude wish I could've s better friend. I wish I knew what to do I'm so sorry

hi

I just read my last post lmao. It's been two months. I feel awful. Like, I feel like earlier today I wasn't engaging enough or enthusiastic enough replying to his messages. I didn't sent any stuff first or start any conversations. I swear to god last week I was telling myself I need to think about him less because it's weird and probably concerning but when I don't talk to him more than like 3 times a day I feel like I've been ignoring him. I wasn't feeling that great so that's probably why I didn't reply as interestingly as I could have but man.

Sometimes I really hate being a faggot. Ahahahaha hhhhh. I dont think I'll ever tell him how I feel. He probably already knows since he picks up on this stuff better than me. Ah. °_° . Fuck this shit man like yeah I wanna tell him but what if. What if be doesn't fucking like me back and finds it weird. What if he doesn't want to be friends anymore what if it makes.him uncomfortable what if he feels the same way but doesn't wanna admit it either. Am I not saying anything and denying any possible signs because I'm too prideful or because I'm a fucking pussy. Dude. It's almost been a year. God. I love you dude . This sucks ass. Fuck fuck fuck